i don't know what anything means anymore.

 

i'm supposed to know who i am, aren't i?

 

well i just don't.

 

i really cannot see past the lies i have created to be myself.

 

and the worst part is it makes sense.

 

it makes sense that since i've been so depressed for all my childhood,

 

i don't know the person i am apart from all the pain.

 

and i know that sounds so "edgy" but i'm actually fucking serious

 

it scares me so fucking much that i'm not even joking or faking this,

 

that i'm actually so fucking gone that i lost my identity.

 

nothing really gives me joy anymore and i just hate existing.

 

and i wish the pain was only mental but it's so fucking strong it's become physical

 

my arms hurt so fucking much.

 

i feel so fucking sick to my stomach.

 

i feel like i'm gonna puke.